I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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