You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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