I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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