Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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