Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
