We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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