I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
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You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize