what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
