Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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