You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
