Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.