Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.