i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
