Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.