i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?