Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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