Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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