WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
