obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
