It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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