I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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