btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
