Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
