I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
