Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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