your room smells of hookers.
And success
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
