I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
