Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
