WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
