dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
