I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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