Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
