hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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