Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
