If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
