He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
