This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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