who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
