What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
