it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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