Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
