my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
