I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
