At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I've blown a few things in my day
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
