You work out of a Hotel?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
