Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
