How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
