just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
