Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
