hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
