I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
