I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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