I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
