I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
