Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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