for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
