Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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