I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
