what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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