Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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