Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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