after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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