I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
