No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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