Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
