Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
