STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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