Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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