garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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