Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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