I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
