i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
