she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
