Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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