We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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