I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
