Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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