Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
