Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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