Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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