so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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