I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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