If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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