if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
