How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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