He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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