from now on my penis is your penis
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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