Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
