Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
