Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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