I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sponge bath it is.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
