I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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