Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
