Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
