What did we do last night that was yellow?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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